I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
