that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize