She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
