Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
