his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
