you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
