I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
