Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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