Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
