she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
