i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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