I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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