Don't you send me to vm
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
dude. I can hear the air.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
