I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
