He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
