I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
