I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
