it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
