So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
