Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
