you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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