somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
