so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize