Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Randomize
