There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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