Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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