it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
