The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
