i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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