if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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