I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
