Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
