a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
