I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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