you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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