we're chasing vodka with high fives
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
