he wants to bone in the snuggie
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize