id be glad to
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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