Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
