LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
