why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
