Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
