You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
