idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
