Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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