Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
