Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my being single is dangerous.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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