Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
