The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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