At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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