I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
