chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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