Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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