I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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