i permit you to call me
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize