I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You pole danced in your parka.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize