Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
