What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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