she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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