Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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