Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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