Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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