I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
