About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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