a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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